I have always been anxious about what might happen next, but there are days when i am anxious about the past.
I am haunted by the mistakes i did in the past that could hurt me in the present. I am afraid of the nudes i sent and my idiotic drunk self files. I am afraid of the words I said that may have left an impression to a person. I am afraid that everything that made me happy in the past will stop me from being happy in the future.
Myself, as someone else’s past.
Each day i think about the memories that i will be leaving. The scars, and the traces of me that i leave to a person matter to me. I have to make the most out of what we have now so that when i become his past, his future self will have irreplaceable memories to deal with. Even during happy relationships i think of my reputation as an ex girlfriend. I am worried that when i become his past, i’d be just another thought that doesn’t stand out.