Life after college, is just the beginning and it scares the hell out of me. I used to tell myself that i will be travelling the world after being handed a diploma. I will be a successful, sophisticated and independent woman when I finally get a hold of my toga. I thought the congratulations would be endless. I thought the smile and the trace of pride on my parents faces will never fade. I thought after college, the struggle ends.

And just like my usual mistakes on quizes and exams, i was so wrong about my expectations. After college I may travel for miles, for about a week, but nothing happens after that, except for those who are very rich and blessed with inheritance. After college you can’t travel the world because truth is you need to travel town after town, to search for a job that suits you, and allows you to stay alive and well fed at the same time.

I thought after graduation I would instantly look like a woman from the corporate world. I don’t know how i got the idea but i simply assumed that when i finally graduate, i’d be wearing formal attires suitable for CEOs. I wonder how i planned on being that kind of woman without bothering to check and do something with my closet.

I thought college was the key to finally prove myself. When the graduation is so fresh everyone will be in feastive mode. They’d be throwing congratulations at you like its the only word they know at that very moment. But when the feastive mood fades, notice how everyone else’s expression change. Just when you thought that you could finally be proud of yourself, they make you feel that a college degree isn’t all that.

A degree holder, but without an award?

A degree holder, but what about masters? 

A degree holder, but you’re just an office clerk?

Why arent you promoted? I don’t think you’re saving enough with that job.

The higher the achievement, the higher spectators raise their standards. They are simply spectators, but for some reasons, their words, standards and expecations become a burden.

It scares me to think that i will be going around in circles searching for the perfect career and trying to figure out who i am, and everyone around me will just be watching and judging — willing to rejoice with me if i succeed but all along laughing at how many times i failed.