I need a refund! I need to get back what was mine. You took two years of my life, now don’t expect me to calm down even when i am gone.
I am still tabulating how huge the refund i needed. I included those times i chose you, out of every invitation that could’ve been fun. All those lies i weaved just so we could escape. All those offers i ditched just to ease your mind. I rarely got drunk and rarely went out because i wouldn’t want your mind all messed up thinking about what i could be doing. I could never imagine how it ended — all those times i was worried that you’d get stress out from overthinking — i got slapped by the fact that you never thought of me at all.
How does it feel like having another girl on top of you as i called? How does it feel like answering my calls, assuring me you love me, when you still have every stain from her all over your lips?
The refund i’d probably ask will be greater than revenge. How do i get a refund from the pain i went through and the time i wasted? Do i add up the nights i cried and the days i allowed you to hover inside my head? Do i multiply the time i spent by everything that i gave you? Do i need cash? Or do i just need your tears, while you are on your knees? Because honestly, if everything i knew about you was a prank, or maybe if you’d have the ability to undo, then i’d probably hug you so tight and tell you how much i miss you.
But the realization that it doesn’t work that way and that it never will, gave me an idea with the kind of refund that i wanted. It turns out, the refund will not come from you. It will be from myself. I need to make up to myself. Being broken, means im gonna be fixed, by myself, because what the hell are you supposed to do? You had me whole and screwed up. If i let you touch me while i am broken then i’d probably end up murdered.
I will work on myself, by myself, for myself, without the stress of being in a relationship. Self, i swear this time you’re gonna be loved and pampered. I am sorry if i had to go through an unworthy guy to realize that.